“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
Despite the calm demeanor that I often put on as a façade, one who has keen observation could tell that I have anger management issues. Petty annoyances and pet peeves can cause my irritations – from slight sharp mutter of “Tsk!” to a range of full blown outpour of continuous yelling. I tend to be impatient, bratty, and easily distracted. It has cost me so much in terms of maintaining relationships and mental health issues. I came to realize that anger is a natural human reaction, not a human fault. How anger manifests in a person, well, is another story.
Entertaining anger has narrowed my manner of thinking. The moments were spent on self-destructive and time-consuming. It is like a horse’s eye blinkers that cover the peripheral vision. Anger limits my view into black and white and disregards the gray zone where reason and possibilities lie. Instead of finding solutions, I let myself be consumed by negativity.
When these irrational thoughts linger for a long time, sooner or later, they become apparent in the manner I act and speak. Even if I try to diminish my temper, I could not keep my body from shaking and my face from being tense. My breath starts to speed up and I can feel my blood flowing up my brain waiting to explode. An extreme force is emanating from the core and radiates outward.
Without a healthy outlet to simmer out the pressure, I often dispense out my tension that might hurt, or worse, destroy others. I cause damage that can be irreversible once cast. Bridges are burned and I do not realize the hurt I caused until I myself feel it, slowly creeping in my conscience. The thought of something happy and prosperous just turns into dust just because of non sense. However painful it may be whenever it crosses my mind, I know that I learned from it.
It is hard for us to remember that anger is just a warning that something is not in the right order. It is a sudden boost of energy meant to empower but not to destroy. When I let my anger rule over my system, it transforms me into an irrational, unproductive and destructive monster. I repel people, I kick opportunities away, and I mess up my health. I attract unnecessary negativity. I often laugh at the immature ogre I was after a bout of anger has passed. The next time I feel anger, I must learn to control myself from rage. I must channel my anger into something healing or positive. I can jog a mile, listen to music, or call a friend. I cook a meal, write an article, or help a stranger. Anything that is positive will lessen the stress I apply on myself.
Roland Andre Malic is a creative writer and blogger who took writing and speech courses in TalkShop Philippines, under the mentorship of Sheila Viesca, CEO and Director of Communication. Still finding out his niche in life, he is on the way to self-discovery by traversing creative ventures, a step at a time, which include writing and blogging. He also finds joy in watching mind-boggling films, reading about art and history, and exploring musicians and artists from eclectic genres.