Right now, an indefinable entity has blocked my thoughts; something inexplicable that no words can describe it. I try to grasp its existence; its heaviness fills me with wariness. It drives me insane. After a few moments, I came to realize that it doesn’t really obstruct my thoughts, per se, because I am still able to write and type from my head. This mental block hinders more than it inhibits me from producing something worthwhile to read. It makes it difficult to release my creativity as it tries to stop me from doing what I do best.
From this point on, I will do my best not to succumb to this fear. I do not want to show up next time without a well-made output or present a product made out of force. But that is the issue. How can I create routinely something when writing motivation and inspiration often come out spontaneously? I am doing it right now – I write without a rigid and specific cause or aim. Just write. No thoughts pulled back. No ideas to be disturbed. Every single word is flowing out as I write this draft. I picture a thread of words being spindled into refinery. These golden thoughts will shine in the sun with its radiance reflected and cast upon the reader’s eyes.
If I give in to perfection, there will be no room for creativity as everything becomes contrived, confined and inhibited. A breath of fresh air is all I need! Move, move, MOVE! Push that critic past the cliff and let him fall without regard into oblivion. Break his soul sucking incantation before he breaks me down. Ride those imaginary wheels and fly into the skies, wind brushing past my face and hair. I am enjoying this ride while regurgitating this mental asphyxiation.
But then… halt! I thought I finally got rid of it! I hushed it out, didn’t I? But here it comes again peeping and booing like a phantom in the night. Punch it in the face! Consciously empower myself to defeat it! These monsters in my head are there because I am facing a new level of discomfort. Why can’t these thoughts let me act the way I do? I certainly won’t lie in bed again and make it as an excuse. I cannot think anything, right? Why not attack it? Have I noticed that I made it to the fourth paragraph? What is this inner critic still babbling about?
I hope I learned my lesson. It is hard and unnerving when I try to grasp what is supposed to be the right words or the right style. Although it seems counterintuitive, it helps to write without limits. Great things happen without victimizing one’s self from an obviously temporary slump (in my case, I need little doses of neuroses). I must take that first step, and immediately follow it with one more, slowly but surely. Then, I can go places – without aim or direction, yet enamored by action, movement, and sudden development.
Roland Andre Malic is a creative writer and blogger who took writing and speech courses in TalkShop, under the guidance of Sheila Viesca, CEO and Director of Communication. Still finding out his niche in life, he is on the way to self-discovery by traversing creative ventures, a step at a time, which include writing and blogging. He also finds joy in watching mind-boggling films, reading about art and history, and exploring musicians and artists from eclectic genres.