One reasons I thought of in starting this blog is to have a separate outlet of my creative self. I want to make myself represented the way I want it to be as opposed to embodying what people around me thought of how I might be or might become. This blogging universe is both personal and open to all and what I like most is managing that freedom to express while maintaining responsibility to my audience as opposed to having little to no voice at all.
It can be my reaction to all the struggles of identity issues (that goes beyond my sexuality issues) I have been facing. Now, as a young adult who needs a sense of self in the transition from youth to adulthood, no excuses are to be made. I will not lie down and mope around how unlucky my circumstances are. It can be that I am in a rebellious stage in my life that questions the norms, beliefs, and tradition that has been cultivated in my mind since I was young and eventually has been rooted firmly in my way of life. It may sound whiny and immature if viewed from a different perspective but if I let it bottle up inside, it will destroy me emotionally and physiologically. I must allow to air it out to make room for positive vibes – something that makes readership count. I want an exchange of point of views. I want new point of views to gain insight from. All I need is clarity of mind.
What I am excited about most is to reach that stage in my life when I feel no more resentment. As I have put in this blog, I admire art and music, but I did not mention that I like the people who create them as much. I look up to people who have reached the moment of acceptance of their pains and sufferings and learned how to eventually heal themselves. I like how both pain and clarity shaped their beliefs and fuel them to spread their message to the world with authenticity and fearlessness.
Maybe through candidness and self-permission will I be able to break the bonds and let myself fly, cliche as it sounds. Maybe through control in this little world of mine will I be able to trust myself in my decisions. Maybe through constant creative practice will I find more ways than one to express myself and reach others who feel the same. Maybe through this will I learn many lessons from experience and advice (from friends and friendly strangers alike). Maybe through this I can grow as a person and forget fears and doubts from the past.
I do have a concern of how to place my blog in this pigeon-holing modern world. It is inevitable to think about if I want to gain a target audience. There is this computer generated string analysis fuzz and I am afraid my blog is too personal and introspective to be categorized as something. However, as I have thought just moments before the end of this essay, this is my blog and I have only just begun. I will worry about it later. After all, I blog mainly for therapeutic purposes.
This post is part of the Zero-to-Hero blogging series. This is Day 3.